Occupational Identity
Written by: Janis Basical, OTS
Becoming a mom hits us all at different times. Some feel it when they see that positive pregnancy test. Others feel it during the first kick or first cry.
But we all share something in common: nothing really prepares us for how much motherhood changes you.
After having my daughter, I felt a shift in my life that I couldn’t really explain. I wasn't prepared for the wave of grief that was going to hit me. I loved my new life, and I loved being a mom. But at the same time, I felt completely lost and alone, even with a solid support system. The shift I felt was so quiet. Things that I used to love didn’t feel as exciting.
But no matter how hard it was, I had to remind myself: I’m not failing. I’m becoming something new. I also had to remind myself that it was okay to grieve my old life. It doesn’t mean that I regret becoming a mom.
In this post, we’ll talk about occupational identity – what it is, why it can feel hard to hold onto during motherhood, and practical ways to start feeling more like yourself again.
What is occupational identity?
Occupational identity is the sense of who you are and who you wish to become. It’s shaped by your roles, everyday activities, choices we make, relationships, careers, hobbies, friendships, and lifestyles. These are the things that help us feel grounded and connected to ourselves.
When those things suddenly change, your sense of self can start to feel unclear. The activities that once felt meaningful may start to take a back seat. You may start to feel like you don’t recognize yourself. This is especially common during major life transitions, like becoming a parent.
“I Don’t Feel Like Myself”
Having a baby changes almost everything – your time, your body, your priorities. On top of that, sleep deprivation and nonstop caregiving can make simple tasks feel harder than they used to.
When you become a mom, it’s not just your body and hormones that shift. Your brain rewires to make the baby the focus of your world. This is why the transition can feel confusing. Your brain is constantly on, you’re adapting to new demands, and everything starts taking more effort.
The overstimulation, irritability, and intrusive thoughts? That’s your system adapting to this new reality.
You’re evolving into a different version of yourself as a mom. It’s not perfect, and it’s uncomfortable. But it’s also normal.
Rediscovering Who You Are
A lot of parents struggle with a loss of identity after having a baby, but there are things you can do to help you adjust. Recognizing that this is a normal transition is the first step.
The good news is that you don’t need to figure everything out at once. What are the things that make you feel more grounded? That might mean taking a short break, 5 minutes of self-care, reconnecting with your partner or friends, or a tiny goal that gives you joy.
A few steps that can help:
1. Talk to yourself kindly. When negative thoughts cloud your mind, remind yourself: “This is a tough season. I’m new to all of this, and I’m learning who I am now. It’s valid to feel overwhelmed and exhausted.”
2. Keep perspective. Remember that the sleepless nights, constant feedings, and endless diaper changes are all temporary. It won’t last forever, and it does get easier.
3. Lean on your people. Talk about your struggles with your partner, friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your experience can help build your emotional connection and make you feel less alone.
4. Reconnect with you. What’s something that you love doing? Maybe it’s reading, walking, or making crafts. Do something that lets you connect with yourself again. Take the time to invest in yourself. It can help you remember who you are and who you want to be.
These micro-steps can add up. You’re building a new normal one moment at a time. Here are a few resources: daily reflection, monthly goals, and journal prompts.
A New Version of You
Your new identity isn’t about going back to the old you. It’s about giving yourself permission to evolve. Motherhood asks you to let go of parts of yourself that no longer fit and make space for who you’re becoming. You don’t need a perfect plan. You just need one small daily connection that reminds you: It’s okay to be you. It’s enough for now.
Balance isn’t about giving equal time to every single role. It’s about making space for activities that feel meaningful to you. As a mom, you might spend 90% of your day caring for your baby. But balance comes when you weave in small moments that nourish the other parts of yourself.
The goal? The goal is for you to feel capable and connected across ALL your roles without needing to be perfect. Resource: motherhood affirmations.
Key Takeaways
Occupational identity is shaped by the roles, routines, and activities that help us feel like ourselves.
It’s normal for your sense of self to feel off during the transition into motherhood.
Small steps like self-talk, support, and making time for things you enjoy can help you feel more like yourself again.
Remember to be kind to yourself. Motherhood is a continuous journey and you will continue to shift and grow. You’re allowed to take your time, evolve, and build a version of you that fits this life.
References
Hansson, S. O., Björklund Carlstedt, A., & Morville, A. L. (2022). Occupational identity in occupational therapy: A concept analysis. Scandinavian Journal of Occupational Therapy, 29(3), 198–209. https://doi.org/10.1080/11038128.2021.1948608
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